How to Survive the Social Network with Your Heart Intact?

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I got this shirt from Target a few months back, and I’ve gotten so many comments from people when I wear it.  Most of the comments are from people who totally agree with what the shirt said, and there was even a guy that wanted to buy it for his friend, who he claims is constantly guilty of this.

One of the amazing things about Facebook and all other the social networks is that anyone and everyone can have a platform for their life.  Some people truly use it to connect with others, but some really just want to show off.  Nothing could be more annoying than when you’re trying to have real, authentic connection with people and they start posting pictures and thoughts that are outlandishly self-referential, insensitive, and just blatantly boastful.

Yesterday, my wife showed me a news article on a Christian actor that posted online about how his wife did not feel any pain when she was giving birth to their first child — which is pretty cool if he could have stopped writing right there — however, he credited their painless delivery to the fact that they were Christians who lived blameless and pure lives.

I cringed when Winnie told me about it.  It is quite painful to hear something like that, and he actually got quite an earful from hundreds of people responding to his post.

This is just one example, but sometimes it is not as blatant.  It could be that someone is on vacation and they’re posting realtime pictures of scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef and and you’re sitting in 110 degrees of desert heat.  Or, there’s a friend who likes to post his trophies, new toys, and new purchases every other day.  Or, there’s another friend who takes pictures of an exclusive party or get-together, but then they post it on everyone’s newsfeed, those who aren’t a part of the ‘inner circle.’

These frustrations will always be there, and sometimes I would have to revert back to Henri Nouwen’s words on who I am and my self-worth (see previous post Like or Unliked).  But for now, here are a few practical tips for surviving the social network:

1.  DON’T GET ON FACEBOOK (OR YOU’RE PREFERRED SOCIAL NETWORK) WHEN YOU’RE ANGRY, LONELY, SAD, OR HUNGRY.  Be aware when you’re vulnerable.  Try another social outlet that’s more direct; i.e., grab a friend for coffee, dinner, lunch, or a movie.  Talk on the phone with a buddy.  Do something else, like watch a comedy, walk your dog, go out in nature, do something creative or fun.  The world is out there besides the computer screen.  Seek to feed your heart and self-esteem beyond the social network.

2.  RESTRICT AND LIMIT OTHER PEOPLE’S POST AND ACCESS.  This is a way to self-care that may seem restricting but it could actually be freeing.  Restrict and don’t allow access to everyone.  Imagine yourself as a castle.  Not everyone gets access into the city, and even less people gets access into the inner wall.  And of course, the castle is restricted access to only those you trust.

3.  CREATE YOUR OWN TRIBE.  We all need close and intimate connections with friends and family.  Start creating your own people.  Ask and invite those who have shown trustworthiness into the inner castle of your life.  It may feel awkward and weird, but it’s worth it.  When you restrict access and create your own tribe, you actually give space for yourself by unplugging the negative or the irritating, and plug into what strengthens, inspires, and fills you.

4.  PRACTICE BEING HAPPY FOR OTHERS.  This is hard to do, and I do not suggest doing this by itself, straining yourself emotionally just because it is the right thing to do.  Practicing being happy for others happens in the context of relationship and community, and it is an outflowing of knowing who you are and that you are loved.  Doing this step by itself is pure legalism, but doing this within the context of knowing love is power.

5.  PRACTICE BEING REAL AND AUTHENTIC ON FACEBOOK AND IN REAL LIFE. Keeping it real and authenticitic are the new ways to be humble.  If being pretentious separates people, let’s have the courage to risk in order to bring people closer together.

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